Seriously?

While my wonderful husband was in the grocery store, and I was sitting out in the car texting ( I think we already established how lazy I am, still unpacking apartment 3 weeks later), a truck full of older black men pull up next to me. My car windows were down, maybe that was my bad, cuz shit got crazy quick! The conversation went like this :

Old Man: Hey lovely

Me: Oh, hi (smile politely)

He gets out of the truck and lets another man out, and turns to me and says

Old Man: You see that (insert that awful N word here) right there, he's been messing with me, so when he comes back out, I want you to get him.

Me: WTF??? laugh at him like yeah right, and go back to texting trying to ignore him now. I didn't park here to be brought into someone's fight. Thinking in my head C'mon T..hurry!

So, the old man turns back to the driver and is talking to him, I am not paying any attention to their conversation, I am trying to avoid him at all cost.

Old Man: Hey sugar, you doing alright?

I completely ignore him, thinking he will get the hint. Nope! He's at my car window now. Hurry up T.....Hurry!

Old Man: Hey sugar, you doing alright?

Me: Oh yeah, I'm fine, How are you? ( what is wrong with you? why did you ask him a question, you stupid stupid girl!)

Old Man: Oh better now that I have met you.

Me: Laugh..thinking please go away!

Old Man: You stay around here?

Me: No, I just moved away

Old Man: Where you stay at sugar?

Omg! really?

Me: Oh the next town over.

Old Man: Oh, good I can come see you then

Ok, now seriously, if this husband of mine does not come out of that store soon, I'm going wring his neck when he does come out. Why do I have to be such a lazy ass and wait in the car? I don't want to be rude to him, he's got plenty of back up with him, and who do I have? A husband, yeah sure, who is slow poking around the grocery store!

Me: Laughs. ( I mean really what could I say? )

Old Man: So sugar, you married?

Me: Oh yes Sir ( Im in the south, gotta use my manners)

Old Man: Again!!??

Really? who is this man? how does he know this is my second marriage? is reading my mind? Quick, try to think of something to say that says please leave me alone in a nice way.

Me: Yes Again!!

Old Man: How long you been married?

Me: Oh, I think I have been married my whole life!

I hear the back car door open, and start planning my escape route..the best thing I can do is try to dive out the passenger car window, even though I am sitting in the driver seat because obviously one of his buddies is now climbing into the car with me!

I look up and the old man has walked away from my window and is now into a conversation with one of his buddies, So, I gather all the courage I can muster and look toward the back seat.

Oh Yay! It's T....My Hero!